By / Candie Beane
You’re sitting around a conference table or attending a Zoom meeting, and two colleagues begin to get into a heated debate. Words are exchanged, voices raise, and tones become firm and definitive. Outside observers are both engaged in the debate but wondering if they should step in and stop it. It goes on a for a few more minutes until, inevitably, someone suggests they take this “off-line”. How would you feel if you observed this? Is it inappropriate to allow it to continue in a business meeting? Too often, our instinct is to shut down conflict in the name of efficiency and harmony, when actually, the opposite is true.
To better understand why engaging in productive conflict is necessary for success we must first understand what it is. Productive conflict is defined as “an open exchange of conflicting or differing ideas in which parties feel equally heard, respected, and unafraid to voice dissenting opinions for the purpose of reaching a mutually comfortable resolution.”
“It’s important to distinguish productive ideological conflict from destructive fighting and interpersonal politics,” says Patrick Lencioni, author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. “Ideological conflict is limited to concepts and ideas and avoids personality-focused, mean-spirited attacks.”
During heated exchanges, individuals express passion, frustration, and emotion, so the disagreement can easily be mistaken as unproductive dissension. However, it’s important to identify if the conflict is productive. If so, it’s best to allow it to continue because healthy conflict is a time saver and gets the group to the best possible solution more quickly.
Why is engaging in productive conflict important to any organization? It establishes a culture anchored in trust where team members and leaders can openly share different perspectives while prioritizing solutions without fear of punishment. Additional benefits include:
- Opening the door to fresh ideas
- Moving teams forward
- Minimizing politics
- Encouraging better listening
- Allowing all voices to be heard
- Teaching flexibility
- Solving real time problems quickly
Achieving this level of trust among members of a group of colleagues or teammates is no easy feat. It takes dedicated focus on implementing and encouraging change. Leaders and individuals need to become comfortable bringing up sensitive issues and working through them. Having the right tools in place can help. Consider nominating a Conflict Monitor to ensure the messaging sticks to concepts and ideas, and offer real-time permission to debate during the exchange. A Conflict Monitor can be anyone on the team and is responsible for maintaining objectivity.
“One simple but effective way to do this is to recognize when the people engaged in the conflict are becoming uncomfortable with the level of discord, and then interrupt to remind them that what they are doing is necessary,” says Lencioni.
Organization leadership plays a different role than the Conflict Monitor. Their primary role is to demonstrate restraint and allow the conflict to occur, moderating as necessary, but letting the participants come to a resolution on their own. Unfortunately, there’s a misconception that leadership that allows conflict has lost control, when in fact, it’s the leaders who shut down productive conflict that are doing a disservice to their team and company culture.
Moreover, it’s important for leaders to gain a deeper understanding of their own conflict behaviours and limitations, as well as their team’s, to help them recognize the emotional and social needs of a situation and act accordingly. There is a variety of personality style and behaviour tools available, such as Everything DiSC Productive Conflict, which provide personalized insight on common destructive responses and reactions, giving leaders and teams a solid foundation on which to build better communication.
So, what can teams do if they don’t have personalized information readily available? Consider applying the “Three Bs” to help your teams navigate a disagreement.
Be Aware!
“According to Harvard Business Review, 95% of us think we are self-aware, but only 10 to 15% of us actually are,” says Krister Ungerböck, founder of The Global Talk SHIFT Movement.
Becoming self-aware takes dedicated focus examining how you react during conflict situations. Ask yourself how you react when angry. What emotions do you experience? Do you have common triggers? What’s a typical response? Do you speak without thought or shut down and stop communicating? Understanding what comes up instinctually can teach you how to improve and shift your response to something more valuable. The most important thing you can do before reacting is pause. Take a breath and observe your body language, tone, and words. Learn how to stop yourself from repeating negative behaviours.
Be Open!
Being open sounds simple, but for most, it’s difficult to do. Our belief systems and emotional responses run deep and often prevent us from listening to another’s perspective. Harvey Deutschendorf, emotional intelligence expert, author, and speaker, explains, “When someone is making a statement that we disagree with, our common response is to start thinking of a rebuttal while the person is talking. The stronger the emotional charge around what they are saying, the stronger will be our urge to jump in with a rebuttal.”
When you’re open, you’re listening, and that allows you to ask questions. When you ask questions, it demonstrates that you’re trying to understand their point of view and respect them as people—even if you disagree—thus keeping the conflict healthy and productive.
Be Reasonable!
Approach a disagreement with the understanding that there is usually more than one solution to a problem. There’s value in having different perspectives, experiences, and backgrounds.
“Our natural inclination seems to be to look for flaws and weaknesses in another’s position that we can attack. Instead, look for areas where you both can be in agreement,” said Deutschendorf.
With reason and compromise at the forefront, finding common ground lowers the emotional response and brings the conflict to a resolution more quickly.
Learning how to engage in productive and respectful conflict is a necessary skill that can even cross over from your professional life as a leader into your personal life as a spouse, partner, parent, and friend. It teaches you to be an objective and a well-rounded person. We know there will always be differences of opinions but knowing how to navigate them effectively results in more innovation, more engagement, more collaboration, and better human connections.
Reprinted with permission from the November 2021 issue of Partners in Progress magazine. Read more at pinp.org ▪
